Top 99 Amazing Twitter Status

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Everyone always asks us, what are the Funniest Status Updates It was determined based on the average amount of comments/likes per status update. Some call them the funniest status updates, we just call them funny statuses. Pick any one of these best status updates and you’re sure to get a comment storm! ? Well no need to ask anymore because we’ve compiled this definitive list.

Top 99 Amazing Status

  1. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
  1. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
  1. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
  1. To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends
  1. Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes
  1. Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
  1. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
  1. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
  1. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
  1. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  1. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
  1. Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
  1. I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
  1. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  1. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  1. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong
  1. I know the voices in my head aren’t real but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
  1. I loved a girl and she broke my heart. Now every piece of my heart love different girls. People called it flirt that’s not fair…
  1. Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend. Now, you help me to save mine.
  1. Me and my wife live happily for 25 years and then we met…
  1. Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.
  1. I’m poor. I can’t pay attention in class room.
  1. When I’m good I’m best , when I’m bad I’m worst.
  1. . I’m cool but global warming made me hot.
  1. I was not busy to be online… I had just gave up on my life when I picked up this girls phone and saw my
  2. contact name as “Free Recharge”
  1. I Am Not Special , I Am Just Limited Edition ?
  1. Life is like ice cream, enjoy it before it melts.
  1. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work
  1. I’am looking for a bank loan which can perform two things..give me a Loan and then leave me Alone.
  1. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
  1. If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
  2. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
  1. We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
  2. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
  3. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
  1. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  1. I have all the
  1. money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
  1. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  1. Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
  1. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
  2. Galileo:Great mind…Einstein:genius mind…Newton:Extraordinary mind….Bill gates:brilliant
  3. mind…..ME:Never Mind.
  1. I enjoy when people show Attitude to me because it shows that they need an Attitude to impress me!
  1. If people are trying to bring you ‘Down’, It only means that you are ‘Above them’.
  1. I will marry the girl who look as pretty as in her Aadhaar card!!!!
  1. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  1. I meditate for 20 min every morning …..It helps reduce stress of being 20 min late for everything
  1. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  1. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
  1. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  1. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  1. If Plan A didn’t work, Alphabet has 25 more letters so stay cool.
  1. Strong people never put others down, They lift them up…
  1. Sugar? No thanks, i am already sweet..
  1. I plan to make rest of my life, the best of my life!!
  1. Common sense is like deodorant, the people who need it most never use it.
  1. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  1. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  1. It has done me good to be parched by the heat and drenched by the rain of life.
  1. Life can give us lots’ of beautiful persons, But only one person is enough for a beautiful life…
  1. Dear Haters, Sorry guys i don’t give a damn about What you think, what you do or what you say.
  1. Some lives are linked across time and Connected by ancient Calling.
  1. You should understand It’s ok not to be perfect.
  1. I am not special, I am a limited edition.
  1. If you left me without any reason, then don’t come back with an excuse
  2. I drink to make other people interesting. – “George Jean Nathan”
  1. Hey god, if you can’t make my slim, please make my friends fat!!
  1. Using Shamwow to clean up my puke. Surprisingly works pretty well.
  1. can see Alaska from my house.
  1. So you’re telling me there’s a chance. (Or any Dumb&Dumber quote)
  1. Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”.
  1. If someone can walk out of your life that means they never really cared.
  1. Only difference between a good and bad day is your attitude!
  1. If you think you are bad then i am your Dad
  1. Don’t give me attitude, i have got one of my own.
  1. I’m not a doctor but, I play one on TV.
  1. Hard work Willpower and dedication, for a person with these qualities the sky would be the limit.
  1. A Single word for sure could be a repository to change one’s life.
  1. I miss you but i am not going to text you first because i want to see if you miss me more.
  1. Karma does not have a menu, it serves what you deserve.
  1. I don’t care if other people don’t like me, after all i am not a facebook status.
  1. Life is 10% what happens to you & 90% is how you react to it.
  1. Before you judge me, Make sure that you are Perfect!!
  1. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…
  1. Facebook account for sale, Friends included.
  1. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  1. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  1. I don’t care if other people don’t like me, after all i am not a facebook status.
  2. Life is 10% what happens to you & 90% is how you react to it.
  3. Before you judge me, Make sure that you are Perfect!!
  4. Only difference between a good and bad day is your attitude!
  5. If you think you are bad then i am your Dad
  6. Don’t give me attitude, i have got one of my own.
  7. Your attitude may hurt me, But mine can Kill You!!

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